Funny one liners and sayings

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

If you break your leg doing that , don't come running to me .

He'd rob you of your shoe laces and call you slop shoe!

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

Chopsticks is one of the reasons why the Chinese never invented custard 

I have kleptomania,

When it gets really bad,

I take something for it

I used to be indecisive but I'm not so sure now. 

I'll take my hand off the side of your face!!

My Grandma used to say "Self praise is no recommendation " the perfect put down to anybody blowing their own trumpet.

The  only  time  the  World  beats  a  path  to  my  door  is  when  I'm  in  the  Bathroom