Funny one liners and sayings

It took me two hours before I realised my pot of herbs had gone missing. I thought "No way? Where's the thyme gone......" 

"Went to my allotment and found that there was twice as much soil as there was the week before. The plot thickens."

My friend opened an origami shop. His business folded! 

He then went on to open a macrame shop. Alas he knew knot what he was doing!

England  has  no  Kidney  Bank,  but  it  does  have  a  Liverpool.

He is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

don't  worry  about  Old  Age --  it  doesn't  last

Having a Parisian mother and father from Warsaw he then thought a French Polish shop would work. However, he rubbed up the customers the wrong way and they didn't take a shine to him.