France with no throttle!

Imagine the scene. First week in July, another glorious holiday in France [Ile d'Oleron] is complete and an overnight journey to Caen for the Sunday morning ferry. Being Saturday night there's so little traffic on the French roads so the journey is a cinch. Being Saturday night and in France it also means everything is now closed until Monday. Sunday in rural France remains a day of rest. I commend them for it.

Cruising along in my trusty C-Class C220 CDI when all of a sudden the car fails to pick up after a roundabout. No lights flashing on the dashboard no bleeps or alarms, just no power. Before we coast to a halt, miraculously, the car picks up again. Debate in the car ensues: 21 years old daughter is due at her best friend's birthday party in London on Monday/Tuesday, we are both in work on Monday. If we call out Red Pennant the car will, hopefully, go to the Mercedes dealer at La Rochelle and sit there until Monday and, with luck, we could be away sometime on Tuesday and home Wednesday. It's only happened the once, so let's give it a go. Because I tow I usually make maximum use of cruise control to smooth things out and to prevent speed creep through the numerous 'Radar Controllee'.  A completely uneventful half an hour's cruising later and the throttle is now completely inoperative. Bizarrely, cruise control still works - but that is designed to operate only above 20 mph! Fortunately, my car is rare: Elegance trim but a 6-speed manual. I discover, through necessity, that it is actually possible to ease the car [towing a Bailey Olympus 534!] from rest and through each gear until, at tick-over in 4th gear, the unit is now just travelling at 20 mph and the cruise control kicks in. A second discussion: it's still about 50-60 miles to the autoroute where, in reality, I don't use the throttle - except for the big bridges and peripheriques around Nantes and Rennes and the very big, long hill in Normandy! Well, we can't go back and there's nowhere here to stay so we carry on.

Thank God it’s Saturday night and there is virtually no traffic [it’s why we usually choose to travel overnight]. The journey along the D733 and N137 to the A83 was slow and pretty stressful but we made it. Pulling away from the ‘peage’ to join the A83 I thought, is that the cruise control playing up or am I becoming over sensitive? The A83 was a dream, by comparison: up to 60 mph and no different from normal autoroute travelling. A smile is starting to replace my worried frown. At Nantes we face the first real test – the bridge. For those who don’t know the bridge at Nantes: think of a dual carriageway Kirkstone Pass with a river underneath instead of mountain and you get the idea. I’m concerned about when I should change down and maintain sufficient momentum to get over this – there’s no hard shoulders on these monster inclines so crawling at tick-over [assuming it would move that weight at tick-over uphill] would not be a safe option for us or any unfortunate follower. Thankfully, heavy goods traffic can’t use the autoroutes at week-ends but I’m still not completely sure the bridge is actually part of the autoroute. No need to worry: the masses of torque means I take the bridge in third gear and could probably have done so in fourth. Confidence is now soaring and we head on to Rennes.

Is that a shudder I feel? No, it’s me being over sensitive. Hang on what’s that orange light on the dashboard? Glow-plugs, but we’ve been driving for hours? Please no. Consternation returns: furrowed brow replaces recently relieved visage. Next problem: do we chance a stop or do we carry on given the new potential problems? Brief discussion – carry on we want this nightmare to end well, preferably at Caen. Distance between Nantes and Rennes falls inexorably but I’m only managing 55mph and can’t seem to get above it. Significant headwind I later discover plus the strange fact that cruise control provides only about 75% of maximum throttle opening. Rennes arrives and disaster strikes. Over concentrating or under concentrating, I’m not sure which, we take a wrong turn and end up in a suburb. A mistake but it at least gives me the opportunity to get out of the car for a few minutes and make sure nothing else is amiss with the unit. It’s the middle of the night, however, there are no toilets or coffee shops and no-one is keen to drink knowing we may not stop again until Caen. Plus, I don’t want to chance stopping the engine in case it fails to re-start or some other electronic glitch occurs. Very, very slowly we eventually make our way back to the autoroute and, very carefully, thread our way onward around the Nantes peripherique and on toward Fougeres, Mont Saint Michel, Avranches, Liffre, AND CAEN!

One more big test we think: the big hill on the A84. This is usually a ‘third gear foot-to-the-floor’ affair so I’m not sure how we’ll manage, or if we’ll manage it! In the dark, with three sets of gritted teeth, the big old Merc waltzed up this in third gear with such nonchalance that it made me wonder for a while if that was really the hill. It was. Frown now gone, along with six hours driving, a grin is starting to spread over my face, I fear it may have been insanity – we’re within striking distance: well about 120 miles, anyway, and it’s starting to become light. Hang on, why can’t we see Mont Saint Michel or the castle at Avranches? Sea mist, drifting, thick now, clear now: slow down to 50 mph, we’ve plenty of time. On we went.

Now we’re approaching Caen looking for the big signs to the ferry port at Ouistreham. The sea mist has really thickened up now; down to 40 mph, then 30 mph – getting close to the drop out speed for cruise control here: frown makes a comeback, grin on hold.  Oh no! We can’t see the signs and miss our turn off. No matter, it surely must be possible to enter the port from more than one direction – but without a throttle? Now a real ‘pea-souper’. Maintianing 20mph and cruise control is becoming a struggle on these minor roads – why did we have to miss that turn? What seemed to be an age later we pick up the signs for the ferry port and finally make it with around an hour to spare. I’m exhausted and have two red hot, rusty ball bearings where last night I had eyes.  Eased onto the ferry and planned to call out Red Pennant once back in Blighty. A meal and a sleep on the ferry are in order.

So It’s Sunday lunchtime, we’re back in Portsmouth in the car waiting to go – well to ease off the ferry at tick-over and call Red Pennant. What’s this the throttle’s working – surely not? Off we go, M275, M27, M3, A34. Newbury, M4 Junction and on to Oxford off to meet the M40. Well I’m blowed: the throttle is working perfectly. Right let’s stop at the first service on the M40 for a coffee and a spot of lunch. Blisteringly hot day – gorgeous! Fed and watered we return to the car. No throttle! Despite the heroic efforts of the previous night I have to explain that deserted overnight autoroutes in France are a completely different animal from congested UK motorways, plus, it would be thoroughly irresponsible to place ourselves as well as other road-users at risk by attempting to make it around the M40, M42, M6 interchanges around Birmingham with only cruise control. Not a word of dissent. Red Pennant duly called and after two separate journeys with a lengthy break at the not very salubrious surroundings of Hilton Park Services, we arrived home around midnight. Thoroughly exhausted we all now need another holiday to recover from the nightmare journey home.

Rebecca made Sarah’s 21^st party in London and had a ball; the problem with the car was a throttle [it’s electronic, so basically just a potentiometer: think volume control on a radio] which was £350 and now works fine. I did point out it was an astonishingly expensive alternative to a thin steel cable but that’s hardly the mechanic’s responsibility. This is a great deal less than the cost of an ECU failure that I initially suspected.

So if you ever get stuck in the same situation I can confirm it is possible to travel hundreds of miles through deserted French roads using only cruise control – but only if you have manual transmission. I would also urge you not to do it – I know that I shall never do so again! As a final footnote, I have recently bought a Jeep Patriot 2.0 CRD Limited for towing the Bailey. Just out of interest, I tried and it is possible to do the same thing with that but I still don’t recommend it!