IT BRAKES MY HEART. Check your handbrake)

Pre-Easter 2012.

We had had our 1989 Sprite Musketeer for many years, too many really and it was getting time to say Goodbye. She had been a cheap buy but given us many many holidays in her but the beds were as hard as a Traffic Wardens heart (lol), there was no useable shower (whoever managed to shower inside that stupid curtain?!), two burner cooker and no oven and 'Er Indoors dearly wanted a caravan with a cassette loo instead of the good old Porta Potti. These things don't matter to a bloke but to The Boss – Oh Yes!!

We knew what we wanted in a caravan and after a Winter of going through hundreds of ads in Auto Trader etc to see what layouts and specs were around (if there had been a CC way of doing it, I couldnt find it) and settled on the Bailey Pageant Champagne as ticking all our boxes.

Budget was an issue. We would have loved a Series 5 or 6 but it would have been impossible on the money unless it had been a “shed” and settled on 2002 / 3 as being affordable and being reasonably up-to-date

After a few false starts we came across a Private Sale 2003 in Ellesmere Port that was the right price. It was 65 miles from home and we arranged to meet at the Storage Yard near his home. He was OK about sitting in his car for more than half an hour whilst we both poked around the caravan checking things out, me with my little damp meter and my wife with a 'nose' for things musty or manky. He had all the Cris paperwork, the manuals, it had been serviced in 2011 and everything worked as it should, a little ding and knock here and there internally serving to help me get a better price than he had advertised at but we did the Deal.

Mistake 1..He helped me hitch up.This was a completely different kind of hitch to the Musketeer and so I let him help me pull the caravan to the car and help me. I got the car on the ball and the electrics attached. I failed to notice that he had put the handbrake on the caravan.

He drove off, happy with my money and having set the mirrors etc on the car we set off for home shortly afterwards.

Mistake 2 . As we drove out of the yard I thought “Blimey, this is heavier than I thought” as the Xantia was having a bit of a job taking off from a standing start.. I should have stopped and had another look around. Instead I managed to get her rolling and headed off down the Motorway.

Mistake 3. Ignore the Wife. After about 5 miles or so, my wife said “can you smell burning?”. I confess that I didnt, I really didn't. So we battled on. At 50 mph the tow seemed to come easier and heading off down the A41 for home, I thought our problems were over.

Mistake 4. The weren't. Another 10 miles on my wife said “I really can smell something awful. Can't you?” By this time, I too was smelling this odd pong but had no idea where it was coming from. Just to please her, I pulled into a Layby and stopped. Immediately we did so, plumes of thick black smoke gushed out from under the caravan. We bailed out of the car pretty quick I can tell you.

I looked under the nearside wheel and was stunned to see the cast iron brake drum actually glowing orange. I must have look a Fool huffing and puffing blowing mouthfuls of air at it in the hope it would cool quicker. The wheel rims were extremely hot and the plastic wheel trim was melting off its location. I got the Fire Extinguisher out of the car and there was nothing then to be done but wait until it all cooled down OR use the extinguisher if it went up in flames. Happily it did not but it took an hour before we were happy to continue our journey.

Mistake 5. We gingerly proceeded home but every time we applied the brakes, the caravan came up to meet us with a big bump. Clearly the brakes had gone. That remaining 45 miles down the A41 was a slow white knuckle drive but we did get her home.

We called the local Dealer who was very understanding, especially as we had intended to tour over Easter and it was nearly upon us. Next day he rang to tell us the extent of the damage. We would need completely new hubs on both sides of the caravan as even the bearings were shot due to running in the heat and the grease melting out of them. Both tyres were ruined, the inside sidewalls were burned due to the extreme heat from the drums. The Dealer was true to his promise to have it ready on Maunday Thursday and so it was, but so was the Bill !!! That put a dent in our Touring Budget for this year I can tell you. Several hundreds of pounds spent in repairing what HAD been a perfectly road-worthy caravan until then but what had been the Option? None!

As I drove off the Dealers forecourt and the Xantia took up the slack, I felt for the first time what it should have felt like with the Champagne on the back. She towed like a Dream. Thank Goodness.

PS – we decided to put our old Musky on Ebay along with the awning which wouldnt fit the Champagne and a few other bits and bobs, as a “ready for the road” package. I made it absolutely clear that she was 23 years old and had been “well-used”. I was amazed at how much it went for. The winning couple actually came and viewed it the day before the Auction finished and went away to bid on it. IRONY – the sale of Musky just about covered the cost of the repair + 2012 Service by about £20. What you've never had, you never miss. Ah Well.